Dear Me,
I have been writing this blog in my head for most all of my adult life. Same ole story about the same ole thing that never seems to find resolution. My dilemma: Who the hell am I and what am I supposed to be doing?
First of all let me tell you the basics. I'm married to the same fella for 27 years. Tony is a music teacher and trombone player. We met in college. Our oldest son is 26 and lives in Washington. He is a musician. Our younger son is 24 and still lives at home and finishing up his degree in Accounting. He switched to Accounting from Culinary Arts. Our baby is 18 and a freshman in college studying English/Psychology and is also studying voice. Me......I'm a mom.
My first real job was in my senior year of high school where I worked at a power plant for an electric company. It was a great job. I went to college and came back and worked there the following summer.
I worked at my university as secretary for the director of bands. Since college I have taught private music lessons, assisted music director, and then moving to another state, became a booster mom.
My children are all, or almost all out of the house. Who the hell am I?
The ultimate struggle I've had is what am I supposed to be doing? It's painful to me to be around people who know or have an idea of what they are supposed to be, what direction they should go. I have none! No idea. Passion? What's that? Direction? Wha? Interests? I draw a blank.
The funny part: Ask counselors, "How do I find out what I should do with my life? I just don't know my passions, my pursuits, my interests.?" Their answers always are, "What are you passionate about?" or "What interests you?" Duh! If I knew that I'd be set.
Sitting here typing I have come to one realization. I am in a hurry. Difficult for me to really sit here and write out, in detail, what the whole story is. I realize I'm always in a hurry to get things done, even when I have an abundance of time to do it all. Curious.....................................
